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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22664383">You Know Every Part of Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonsonthemoon/pseuds/demonsonthemoon'>demonsonthemoon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Les Misérables - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aromantic Character, Aromantic Jean Prouvaire, F/M, Queerplatonic Relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-29 06:07:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22664383</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonsonthemoon/pseuds/demonsonthemoon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Isn't it weird?"</p>
<p>Jehan helps Grantaire pick out an outfit for her date, and the two of them have a discussion about their relationship.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Grantaire/Jean Prouvaire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You Know Every Part of Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/anastasiapullingteeth/gifts">anastasiapullingteeth</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Years ago (I'm guessing around 2014, but I'm not sure anymore), the ever amazing Caro posted a Jehan/Grantaire fic on Valentine's day. That fic changed my life, because it allowed me to meet someone I'm very proud to call my friend.<br/>Today is Valentine's day 2020, and I'm /still/ both proud and lucky to call Caro a friend. Also, I'm still totally in love with Jehan and Grantaire.<br/>Happy meeting anniversary, Caro. I love you.</p>
<p>Title for the fic is taken from the song "Dear Jealousy" by Mika, because I was uninspired, and also, it's a /bop/. I changed some of the characters' pronouns in this fic, so Grantaire uses she/her and Enjolras ey/em (which is totally a reference to my old fic Tunnel Lights, because I was feeling nostalgic.) Also, the book mentioned in the beginning of the story is The Heretic's Guide to Homecoming by Sienna Tristen.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Isn't it weird?”</p>
<p>“Um?” Jehan shook himself from the novel he was reading – a fantasy book, one that actually engaged with the idea of language barriers, and how was Jehan supposed to resist to that? - and looked up at Grantaire. “Don't wear that shirt,” he immediately said. “You already wore it on your last date.”</p>
<p>Grantaire looked down at the black collared shirt she had put on, an eyebrow raised. “Really?”</p>
<p>Jehan couldn't help but smile a little. “Trust the only person in the room with a fashion sense.”</p>
<p>Grantaire's eyebrow managed to rise by another centimeter, and she gave Jehan a pointed look. There was a possibility that Jehan <em>deserved </em><span>that look, because he was currently wearing Mickey Mouse leggings under an oversized knitted jumper he'd found in a charity shop. “I never said that I had a </span><em>good </em><span>fashion sense,” Jehan pointed out, trying to stop himself from giggling. “Just that I had </span><em>one</em><span>.”</span></p>
<p>“This is why people don't trust you,” was Grantaire's reply as she started taking off her shirt.</p>
<p>
  <span>Jehan dramatically pressed his open book to his chest as he mimed being fatally wounded. “I have no idea what you mean. I am obviously the most innocent and trustworthy person anyone has </span>
  <em>ever </em>
  <span>met.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Grantaire's response to </span>
  <em>that</em>
  <span>, was to throw her newly-discarded shirt at his face. Jehan tried to make an affronted noise, but he started laughing before he could properly pretend to be mad.</span>
</p>
<p>“Okay, so what should I wear, dear innocent-one-with-a-fashion sense?”</p>
<p>Jehan properly sat up from where he was lounging on Grantaire's bed so he could look at her closet. Truth be told, she didn't have a lot of options that were date-appropriate, although Jehan had to scoff at the notion that there were such things as <em>inappropriate</em> clothes for a romantic occasion. Wasn't the point of those things to be yourself with another person? But if it meant something to Grantaire to dress up before a date, he would do his best to help despite their limited options.</p>
<p>“Go with the black tanktop that has lace on the front and your green turtleneck.”</p>
<p>Grantaire picked out said items from her wardrobe and oblingingly put them on, before assessing the outfit in front of her mirror.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I guess that will do.”</p>
<p>Jehan rolled his eyes. “Could you show any <em>more</em> enthusiasm?”</p>
<p>Grantaire turned towards him at that, her curls bouncing with the movement. She grinned as she approached the bed. “I'll show you enthusiasm,” she said. She then picked up Jehan's book from where he was still clutching it and marked his page before putting it down on the bedside table. It was a small gesture in the middle of a bigger moment, but Jehan's attention latched onto it. That small act expressed all the care that Grantaire put in her relationship with Jehan, and it made him echo her smile even as she bent down to kiss him.</p>
<p>Grantaire was indeed enthusiastic enough, and their clash of lips was anything but chaste as she kneeled over Jehan and licked her way into his mouth. Jehan was more than happy to respond in kind, sucking her lower lip between his as he ran his hands across the soft fabric of her sweater.</p>
<p>After making some sort of satisfied noise that Jehan would lovingly qualify as a purr, Grantaire pulled away.</p>
<p>“Wait,” she said in a fake-serious tone. “I was making a point.”</p>
<p>“If the point was to remind me of how much I like kissing you, consider it made,” Jehan retorted with a grin.</p>
<p>“Flattery will get you nowhere with me, young man.”</p>
<p>“Not even into your pants?”</p>
<p>Grantaire laughed at that. “That line was so bad I think you stole it from me. Aren't you supposed to be a poet?”</p>
<p>Jehan shrugged. Grantaire bent down to kiss him once more.</p>
<p>“Nice try, but these pants are staying on for the time being. You're supposed to be helping me get ready for a date, not <em>seducing me</em>.”</p>
<p>“I can perfectly do both at the same time. I'm sure Enjolras would appreciate seeing you out of your pants as much as I would.”</p>
<p>Grantaire blushed a little at that, swatting at him half-heartedly. “Stop that!”</p>
<p>It made Jehan laugh, free and easy, because the fact that such a simple comment could make Grantaire glow like this was just <em>delightful</em>.</p>
<p>“Like I said, <em>I was making a point</em>. About this. About us. I don't know.”</p>
<p>“And what was the point exactly?”</p>
<p>“Just...” Grantaire quieted down a little, sighing. “Isn't it weird? Shouldn't it feel weird?”</p>
<p>Jehan shrugged, tilting his head in consideration. “I mean, we've talked about '<em>this, us'</em>, before, I think we've been over the fact that most people would find it a little weird. A lot of people are still weird about stuff like open relationships and polyamory, so if you try to bring up stuff like 'commited platonic sexual relationships', it's gonna raise a few eyebrows.”</p>
<p>Grantaire rolled her eyes. “I <em>know </em>that, it's not what I mean.”</p>
<p>Jehan didn't say anything in reply, waiting for Grantaire to figure it out herself. This <em>was</em> something they'd talked about. They'd had to, both when they had first started flirting and Jehan had <em>oh-so-casually </em>slipped in that he was aromantic, and when Grantaire's simmering love story with Enjolras had <em>finally</em> turned into a proper romance. Those conversations hadn't exactly been <em>fun</em>, because discussing emotional needs and establishing boundaries was complicated work, but they had gone well enough that their relationship still worked. That didn't mean there weren't kinks that needed to be worked out from time to time (pun fully intended, some <em>kinks </em>being a lot more fun than others.)</p>
<p>“What I mean is that <em>this, </em>this whole helping-me-out-before-a-date thing, that wasn't part of the package. That's not something we talked about. And it just... I don't know.”</p>
<p>“You said that it should feel weird,” Jehan started carefully. “Does it?”</p>
<p>Grantaire shrugged. “I don't really know. That's my issue here. It's weird because I don't actually know how it makes me feel. I feel like... On the one hand, it's nice to have you here. I like you, obviously, and it just feels... normal, reassuring. On the other hand... I guess I'm kind of always aware of how it might look to <em>other</em> people. It just feels like... Like I'm flaunting it. Like it should make you uncomfortable.”</p>
<p>“You mean you and Enjolras?”</p>
<p>Grantaire nodded.</p>
<p>Jehan took the time to think about it, sitting up and crossing his legs so as to be more comfortable. This sounded like it was quickly turning into <em>a conversation</em>, so he might as well put himself at ease.</p>
<p>“Well, first of all, it's not like you're showing off something that I actually want. It's...” He paused for a moment, picking his words carefully. Jehan prided himself for the fact that he was pretty attuned to his own feelings. He <em>did </em>write poetry, thank you very much. But that also meant he was particularly aware of how contradictory his feelings could get, and overly conscious of the things he preferred <em>not </em>to think about. “It does sound... nice. It obviously makes you happy.” Grantaire couldn't repress a small smile at that, like she still couldn't believe her luck after three months of dating, and <em>fuck </em>but she was adorable. “Which is great. But I guess sometimes it does make me feel... envious, in some way.” That got the smile right out of her face, which made Jehan want to flinch. “Not in a... not in a personal way. It's not that I'm jealous of Enjolras, or of what you have with em. Not really. Not... specifically. It's more... Well. The feelings you have for each other seem to mean so much, and to make you happy. So I do sometimes feel envious that I don't... feel anything like that. That I don't get what it's all about. But it's all abstract. It doesn't mean I actually <em>want </em>it. Not really. Am I making any sort of sense?”</p>
<p>Grantaire had settled on the foot of the bed, mirroring Jehan's position. She looked at him, pensive.</p>
<p>“You are. At least I think so. It's not about jealousy for a person in particular, more about... the general sense that we're enjoying something you can't feel.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, something like that. But I don't want you to... try and hide it, or anything. That would feel weirder. And I think it would kind of be sad. I would rather know about the good things in your life than know you're hiding something from me to spare my feelings. And it's not as if society wasn't constantly throwing huge fucking clues at my face that I'm supposed to feel like I'm missing out on something, so I doubt those feelings would disappear anyway.”</p>
<p>Jehan shrugged again. The gesture wasn't enough to cover the bitterness in his words, but it was all he had to offer. Grantaire didn't say anything for a few seconds, considering his words. At least she wasn't looking at him with pity. That was probably one of the best things about her, and about the relationship they had. The fact that Grantaire – despite not exactly <em>understanding</em> how his emotions worked – didn't pity his lack of romantic attraction, and the fact that she was well aware that he was still perfectly able to pursue the kinds of relationship he <em>did </em>want. For example, the kinds of relationships that involved getting into Grantaire's pants.</p>
<p>It wasn't that Jehan was usually so single-minded about this type of thing. It's just that Grantaire cleaned up <em>good</em>.</p>
<p>“So it's not weird for you?” She finally asked, and Jehan had to re-route his train of thoughts and catch up with the conversation.</p>
<p>He shrugged again. “It's not that it's not weird. It's just that so much of my life would be considered <em>weird </em>by a lot of people, that at some point I stopped getting worked up about that feeling. I would say that my technique is to vaguely acknowledge the norm and how I feel about it, and then move on and ignore it for the rest of whatever it is I'm doing.”</p>
<p>Grantaire grinned at that. “Like you seem to vaguely acknowledge fashion and then ignore it every time you take clothes out of your dresser?”</p>
<p>Jehan mimed wiping tears off his face. “I know, it's so sad. For such a brilliant woman to die so young. Oh, no, it couldn't have been anything other than a natural death. Who would want someone like that dead?”</p>
<p>Grantaire laughed at his antics, and Jehan had to admit he was fairly proud of himself for finding friends who still laughed at that kind of things despite his having left the highschool drama club four years ago.</p>
<p>“But seriously,” Jehan said, back to a more serious tone. “I don't think asking if it feels weird is the right question. Sure, it's weird, but so am I and so are you. Doesn't mean I would change anything about it.”</p>
<p>Grantaire hummed under her breath in agreement.</p>
<p>Silence settled after that, allowing the moment to quiet down. Jehan let it. Grantaire wasn't the type of person to be quiet. Not usually. Not unless she was feeling particularly comfortable. Talking a lot, giving an answer to everything and having a brash attitude were all ways that she had of protecting herself. Silence was her true way of showing vulnerability.</p>
<p>Jehan lied back down on the bed, and opened his arms. Grantaire smiled at that, and settled into the embrace until they were properly spooning. The position felt a little silly, due in large part to the fact that Grantaire was the little spoon despite being nearly a head taller than Jehan, but neither of them really cared. It felt comfortable.</p>
<p>After a few minutes of easy quiet, Grantaire mumbled something.</p>
<p>Jehan made an inquiring noise, loathe to actually talk, which would involve moving from his position.</p>
<p>“I said that if you're not jealous of em, there's no reason for you to hold me hostage until I miss my date with Enjolras.”</p>
<p>Jehan giggled a little, closing his arms tighter around his friend. “Oh yes, that is exactly what this is, a dastardly plot to stop you from leaving,” he whispered against Grantaire's back.</p>
<p>“I've always known you were an evil mastermind,” Grantaire quipped back, still not moving away.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Jehan easily agreed. He suddenly felt confused. Was he really supposed to be jealous of Enjolras when he could have this? Something easy and soft, something that didn't push him to give more than he wanted to, but still offered him so much in return?</p>
<p>It wasn't that it was easy. It just felt like it was worth it. More so than anything else he could imagine.</p>
<p>Still smiling, he pushed Grantaire away, earning a groan from the woman. “Come on, I didn't help you pick a killer outfit for no one else to see it.”</p>
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